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Jan 7, 2019

If you know me, or have listened to some of my podcasts, you know that one of the things I dislike more than most anything is stereotypes. 

I do not like it when people put other people into a certain box, or judge them based on preconceived notions. Assuming they know a person's situation before actually getting to know them.

This happens all to often to single mothers. I know that personally I have been stereotyped in the following ways:

- a slut
- a whore
- a welfare queen or scammer
- just lookin' for a daddy for her kids
- mooching off the system
- your kids must be in jail
- you were probably a drug addict

And there have likely been more over the years.

So it stands to reason that I would absolutely despise when people just put stereotypes of single moms out there in the world. Especially people with large platforms.

People like Tucker Carlson.

Recently on his show Tucker did a piece on 'Men in Decline'. In this piece he talked about how women were less likely to marry men who made less money than they did. 

How they SHOULD want to marry them but they more than likely don't. 

Now, setting aside how insulting it is to women as a whole to assume that we are all money hungry gold diggers only interested in what a man earns. I mean god forbid we marry for something as stupid as love.

There was another statement that he made right after that one that REALLY got my attention.

“Over big populations this causes a drop in marriage, a spike in out-of-wedlock births and all the familiar disasters that inevitably follow. More drug and alcohol abuse, higher incarceration rates, fewer families formed in the next generation."

A spike in out-of-wedlock births and the familiar disasters that inevitably follow.

That my friends is a dig as single mothers. That is the stereotype that is thrown around so often about children raised by single moms. And yes, I know that there have been studies about it, and yes I know that it can and does happen. 

However, I also know that there are thousands upon thousands of children who are raised by single mothers who turn out just fine. No jail time, no drug habits, no alcoholism. 

I also know some kids who grew up wealthy in two parent homes who ended up REALLY messed up. In fact, one study found that children in suburban, upper-middle-class families were actually more likely to use drugs and struggle with emotional problems thank kids in inner cities with struggling families. 

And by the way, the men that I know who were raised by single mothers treat women like QUEENS. And the women I know who were raised by single mothers learned how to be fiercely independent and strong. 

And please don't get me started on why it is the single MOMS who are always stereotyped but single dads are treated like they're freakin' amazing special unicorns.

Oh a single dad learned how to do his daughter's hair - let's make him go viral! Meanwhile here I am french braiding my daughter's hair while simultaneously holding my phone with my shoulder calling my son into school because he has a fever of 103. 

WE DO THIS STUFF ALL THE TIME!!!! We don't go viral. We don't get accolades from - well, anyone. Why are single dads not stereotyped the same way single moms are? 

Does anyone go around telling single dads that their daughters will probably end up drug addicts? Or prostitutes? Do THEY get called sluts? No?

So why is that special judgement saved for us single moms?

And the main reason these stereotypes that get thrown around by people like Tucker Carlson bug me so much - 

Is because sometimes when we hear them so many times, we can start to buy into them. We start thinking that we MUST be what they say we are.

We start thinking we will ALWAYS have to struggle or be on government assistance. That is is our lot in life because we are single moms.

That is why those stereotypes do so much damage. That is the hurt they cause. 

Don't buy into them. Don't listen to them. The struggle may be hard but you will not always have to struggle. 

You can set and achieve goals. You can find a way to make an amazing life for yourself and your kids. So tell people like Tucker Carlson they can shove their stupid stereotypes - you and your kids will be just fine!